Books have said it, friends and family have said it, in actuality we knew it, but we REALLY waited way too long to potty train EV. To say she was resistant is putting it mildly. So we had a choice, either give her an aversion to the bathroom and everything potty related or let her become more comfortable in her own time and if that meant waiting until she was 4.5, so be it. You can begin your judging any time now. Trust me, there is nothing you can think that I was not already judging myself for.
I have read all the mama blogs, read all the articles, gotten all the advice, but one book that seemed to have everything in one place and really resonated with us was 'Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right (Oh Crap Parenting Book 1) By Jamie Glowacki. The reading of this moves like a conversation with a friend. It is a good mix of humor, a plan, and information that will help you move through the process with as little frustration as humanly possible. The bar on this book was originally set really low just because I have read so many books, articles, and blogs that read the same way and didn't really have a plan that fit the lifestyle of Sean and I, so imagine my surprise when it met all of our expectations and then some. Plus, it is promoted by Christina Ricci and anything Wednesday Addams says...goes.
Did I feel a little shamed in the beginning when there was an excerpt about having an older toddler potty training and what that could mean and look like, yes! Did we let it deter us from following the steps and going through the protocol and procedure laid out, nope! Everyone's situation is different and I am not about that parent shaming life.
DO NOT, I repeat, do not feel a certain way about potty training an older toddler. EV was in the NICU, she learns differently, she is advanced in so many other areas, and she is her mama's daughter so she is as obstinate as the day is long. Focusing on strengths rather than what everyone else is going to say or advise will have you walking into a much clearer, more defined and planned situation.
I love how the book lays out a timeline prior to the potty training. Unrelated but, I had downloaded the book about two weeks to us begining. We got the Kindle edition so that Sean could download it too and we could read it together or at different times. As it happens, the author suggests to start to read the book two weeks prior to beginning potty training and right before a long weekend. The two weeks actually ran into Labor Day, so it was although the stars aligned. I wanted to maximize my time and be able to be there with Sean a 100% so we started Friday afternoon after EV's swim lesson and nap.
Please keep in mind that we have currently moved into Block 2 (if you read the book or are reading it, than you know what I am talking about), but this will mostly be covering Block 1.
Some of "Oh Crap's" awesome early on takeaways:
Remember that the diaper provides comfort and safety to your toddler and having that removed can be upsetting and frustrating.
If you have a partner and even if you dont, have a plan of how you are going to tackle situations and remain calm. If this involves a bottle of wine at the end of the evening when they are back in their diaper for bedtime...salut! Sean and I had a game plan of what we were going to say, how we were going to structure the day (or lack thereof) and what are roles were going to be (Sean focused on meals and I focused on activities).
Have NOTHING planned this weekend! Watching your child do nothing but try to go to the potty sans diaper might not seem like a lot, but trust me it is.
Accidents are going to happen, don't get stressed just keep talking to your child about what you are doing and keep referencing that the pee/poop goes "in the potty".
Don't be frantic when your child starts to go pee on the floor and now you have to tell them to hold it and go to the potty. Walk briskly and just keep telling them to hold it. We did it in a sing-song voice so that she didn't think she was in trouble. Making the weekend fun was paramount to the success that we saw.
Have a common term for 'pee' and 'poop' so there is no confusion and have it be consistent with everyone involved.
We created a 'pee-pee in the potty' song and conga line (courtesy of our best friends the Villegas'...Sean wanted to give credit where credit was due) that she she looks forward to everytime after going to the potty. Yes, it was a family affair and yes, we do this every time she goes. Any success should be celebrated, so how you all do so, is up to you.
Have Clorox wipes and/or a swiffer wet jet nearby. We didn't make a big deal out of anything. The one time she pottied on the floor, I reminded her that pee goes in the potty and that was it, end of discussion. Dear Swiffer Wet Jet, I love you more than you could know.
My own addition:
Make the weekend fun. Create movie nights, do a family game night, have fun snacks planned and make it all about them. We used the towels on the floor like we were camping and moved the coffee table so that she and Commodore could do a 'movies under the stars' and brought out all their star projection lights (we do have more than one). We normally would have had an outdoor movie night with the exceptional weather, but our neighbors have a tendency to pop over the fence to say 'hey' (literally) and I just didn't feel comfortable with EV not being in any pants. Regardless, I honestly can say that we had the very best weekend. Even if it was not a typical Labor Day weekend. But man oh man, the weather was gorgeous!
In full transparency having a two-year old also makes my four-year old tend to regress in situations that are outside of her norm. For instance, EV used to be an amazing sharer and her brother is more of the 'give me that mentality or I am going to scream like a banshee in your face' mentality. With that being said I am working on EV's snatching from people, using better/kinder words and walking away if the person does not want to give up what they are holding. It is a work in progress, the point of this being that I yelled at her last night for the umpteenth time for not listening and snatching again and so I shut off her show. You know what happened? She was so upset and crying that she sat on the towels and peed (no fault of her own mind you, she was just upset and released). I. Felt. Horrible. You know what I shouldn't have done? Take our potty training and introduce other life lessons. Honestly, this could have waited, this could have been something we talked about a month from now, she is not in school, it is just us, we are social distanced with our pod, there is no reason I needed to 'punish' her during a time that we are working on something else and confusing the lessons. I say this all the time and it works in this given situation too, choose your battles.
How it started...
On Friday, we talked to EV about what we were doing and the conversation looked like; "ok, we are taking off your diaper now". We walked her through all the steps of what we were planning to do and how the weekend was going to look (we are going to start going to pee/poop in the potty). I loved that the book prepared you that the weekend could either go one of two ways; exceedingly frustrating and one where one partner is going to have to provide the other partner with a lot of wine (if this is your home situation) or it was going to be a really great bonding experience because basically the first couple of days you are doing nothing but pretending not to hover over your child, but in reality your eyes are never leaving them since you are not only watching what they are doing, but you are looking for potty tell signs (a dance, touching oneself, hopping from one foot to another, going into a corner, etc). We started setting up everything the night before. In our living room we have a beautiful vintage rug underneath our coffee table (Resolve is my best friend and has kept from many a stain emerging...especially wine). So we covered everything in towels. Since EV would not be able to sit on the couch either or her lounging chairs, the towels also provided a place for her to comfortably sit or lay down to watch television. With the exception of her room where there is a fluffy shag rug (we kept this door closed all day except for nap time when she was in a diaper) every other room was fair game so we were not concerned.
Sean and I took meals in shifts for the first two days so that one of us always had eyes on her and were able to look for signs of having to go to the bathroom (a child can develop more than one) especially since how they have to pee or poop may look different. EV is a squatter and likes to be private for poop and with pee it was a new frontier and was entirely different for us to watch out for and took on the form of something similar to a flamingo pose.
Because EV is not so little anymore, she has grown out of her Minnie training potty. She is still petite so I did not want to have to worry about her holding herself over the potty until she mastered going to the bathroom, so we bought her THIS. I love that it is sturdy fits perfectly over the potty and is comfortable for her and that the step is just enough of a boost, but one that she can climb up herself while holding the side rails. EV likes privacy when she poops but she also likes having a book with her, so this allows her to do all the things while not struggling to sit on the potty besides. We bought THESE training pants last year, but I am in agreement with what "Oh, Crap!" says in that they were not successful because they are still cushioned enough and provide the safety of that of a diaper and she never really knew she was going to the bathroom. We should have done the bare bottom method awhile ago.
One of the things that the author tells you to do is not ask your child " do you have to go?" This was a lot harder for me then for Sean. It just seemed like it was taking her forever to have to go to the bathroom and this was after so much juice, but I guess this aligns with the whole 'a watched pot never boils' concept. I am still having a hard time not asking her if she has to go.
The book will literally tell you that your only job this weekend is to watch and not to take your eyes of them. How hard can that be right?! From almost the second we took the diaper and her pants off (we had her in a jammie shirt) she absolutely lost her ever loving mind. She wanted that diaper back on and she wanted it back on "NOOOOWWWW". We knew we had already committed to this and this weekend so there was no backing down now. We tried to comfort her, be understanding of her feelings and again let her know what the weekend would consist of, but she was just so upset. However not five minutes, later she did a little cross of her legs, looked at Sean and I and promptly announced "guys, I have something to tell you".....hold for dramatic pause "I have to poop!" This was super exciting since at least we knew at this point that although everything was new, pooping on the floor was not an option. Writing this out now, makes me think "welcome to adulting" that this is what makes me now excited, but heck...parenting is weird.
It's hard not to think that you have potty training down right out of the gate when this happens...we may have done some family high faves and booty shimmies.
I would say by the second day, we knew that EV's tell sign is a little dance and trying to hold it in (sometimes its pulling at the front of her shorts with her hand or just crossing her legs). This move would followed by one of us calmly walking up to her, taking her hand, telling her to 'hold it' and leading her to the potty briskly. Without fail she has been going every single time. Over the weekend she only had one accident in the kitchen and she immediately told me and ran to the bathroom to try to get the rest out. We kept her diaperless from Friday afternoon until Sunday and then on Labor Day/Monday because she did so well, we moved ahead to Block 2 (IYKYK) and put her in gym shorts (they have an elastic band so she can easily pull them off and on) without underwear or a diaper. She had the smallest of accidents, but the biggest successes have been that after naps, she has been completely dry in her diaper and when she woke up after the first morning (she had a full glass of pediasure and lots of juice before bed) she was still dry which I never would have believed ever since she had drank so much.
Regardless, everytime EV goes to bed (nap or bedtime), we follow the instruction of saying "Okay we are putting your diaper on since you might have difficuly holding it, but it is coming off when you wake up." She would wake up and we would ask her what comes next and she always says "diaper off." As was mentioned in the book and we agree, giving EV semblance of structure really has made this something she feels successful at and less stressed about.
Activities, But The Potty Training Edition
Pants Off Dance Off Party (Commodore was in his diaper for this).
Movies Under the Stars (projection lights, flashlights, lots of towels for 'sleeping bags' and a good movie).
Baking. Pancake/Waffle Making. We had EV in a jammie shirt, one of her aprons and she was bare below. I had bought Mickey silicone baking trays from Primark and instead of cupcakes, we did Zucchini Muffins. I use THIS recipe.
The Dollar Tree has a great 'learning' section and I bought a ton of activity books and crayons. As you can see her table to the left (picture below) is a Little Tykes plastic table and chairs so its super easy to wipe down from accidents.
The recap in picture form (In my head this is the voice of Tamatoa from Moana 'in song form').
She is already for 'Naked and Afraid'!
I bought the kids witch and monster fingers at Target's Bullseye Playground for their kitchen (I am totally that parent) and quite literally they were entertained by them the WHOLE weekend,
I finally scored a Capture Your Moment at Magic Kingdom for Halloween time so we also used this valuable family time to practice looking at the camera and cheesing. My girl is a squirrel and is distracted by everything.
Their goodnight smooches are my favorite
Danny really loves playing Doc McStuffins and giving diagnosis', but honestly this gives me all the Mrs. Nesbitt vibes.
Sean assisting with the 'cheesing' in the reflection is always one of my fave things to see.
I also chose this weekend to break out the Halloween boxes because it is September 1st which is basically October and I want to soak in all the spooky goodness that I can. Also, EV loves decorating for Halloween more than anything so it gave her something fun to do besides just sitting in front of the tv. I will have a blog of all the spooky goodness that we have acquired, how we decorated this year, and the kids spooky play kitchen that I put together (Thanks Pinterest, Dollar Tree, and the Bullseye Playground)
To set the stage, we do not have an open concept kitchen, because there is a door frame per say...technically two....its weird, but you still have a good view into the living room regardless. Anyway....I will say that during this process, I came around the corner to this...technically the original view you only saw the legs...that was it.
He was so still and it looked like the blanket was over his head and I went rushing into the living room frantically and came upon this...obviously I didn't take the pictures until the trauma was over...
I have never been so relieved and wanted to cry at the same time...
Anyway, for someone that screamed bloody murder any time we suggested going to the potty who now goes without even a sidewards glance to anything she is currently involved in, is an incredible feat and not something I thought I would see in such a short amount of time. I genuinely thought this process was going to take weeks...and honestly, the book had me thinking it too.
By no means because we find that our first week was a success (1-2 accidents seems like a success to me so therefore it is) that we are experts. I am sure the real test drive is going to be when we go to Disney in a few weeks. Honestly I hate saying it, and I am sure that the author is going to hate me for saying it too, but I am thinking of putting her in training underpants for the car ride so that there is some sort of protective barrier between her and the car seat (pleh), but are still not diapers. I am trying not to do anything that moves us backwards.
Any tips for a potty training mama who is about to make a three hour journey and doesn't like to stop?
コメント